Are we programmed to fall in love with the same type of person?MIND See all MIND posts
Have you ever felt like you always attract the same type of person? A pattern that repeats again and again. You think you have learned from your mistakes, but then there you are again in a similar relationship, with the same type of person.
You are not alone and this is not something uncommon. There is even a theory about this psychological phenomenon. Freud has called it repetition compulsion. A situation where person repeats a traumatic event or its circumstances over and over again.
If we were in a bad relationship in our past and we find a situation or person similar enough to remind us about it, the hope to make it good this time, to receive the love, respect or visibility we didn’t get in our previous relationship comes back. And there we are again in love with the same type of person, looking for a second chance to make things right.
What happens actually is that you project the feelings from your old relationship to another person, similar to your old partner. You feel, that you have failed in your previous relationship, and nobody likes failure. You want to make things right, to prove yourself that you can have such relationship. So, it’s no surprise that the situation repeats.
How to get out of this vicious circle?
First, you have to look at yourself. The reasons you continue to make the same choices are in you – your behaviour, confidence, etc. You have to learn to know yourself better and what type of personality you are, in order to find your perfect match. There are archetypes, which largely can help us determine our personality, strengths and weaknesses, what things in life are important for us.
Knowing which is your archetype will help you find your perfect match on basis on your interests and on what is important for you in life. If you fall in love with a person which has an archetype, that is not a good fit for you, your relationship is just destined to end up bad. But if you know what to look for, the chances for happy ending get much bigger.
Second, you have to play attention to your behaviour in the relationship. Just because something has happened in the past, doesn’t mean that it will happen again. You have to open up yourself and believe that this time it will end up well. Our experiences from the past often blurry our view on reality. So, leave your scepticism behind!
After you find your own archetype and which oposite sex archetype suits you best, you have to take a time and think what type of person your perfect soulmate is searching for. How he/she is looking? How you should look, in order to attract him/her? How you should behave? What places do they visit? This way you will know where to find him or her.
Once you have found the love, how to keep it?
Leave your bad experiences and doubts in the past. Always show your love, respect and support for your partner. Women have the ability to interpret things in many different ways. In a womans’ head are playing many scenarios, which are not necessarily matching the reality.
You see the number 8, but she starts thinking – Is this 8? Yes, but it also can be infinity… or two drops, connected to each other … or whatever. This can become a very long story. While for a man 8 is just the number 8, a woman can have 1000 different interpretations of it. Same with relationships. A woman can have 1000 different interpretations of the words of her partner. Something like the question: “Do I look good in this dress?” There is just never a good answer! She always comes up with the “Yes, but…!” story. And as much you agree or disagree, as worse it gets.
Men, on other side think it’s not needed to remind to their partners every day, that they love them. According to many this is totally obvious and their presence is enough to prove their love. The fact, that they are still with you, should automatically mean that they love you. But this is often an opportunity for a woman to start doubting – whether this is the right one, is this the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with and so on.
So, if you are a woman, stop searching for imaginary things that might happen and learn to support and respect your partner. Believe in him and don’t criticize his actions, every time you have an opportunity to do so. If you want him to be the best man in the world, then treat him this way.
If you are a man, don’t forget to tell your partner, that you love her and try to show your love all the time through words and actions. Don’t make space for doubting in your relationship.
You will find your soulmate when you know who you are and what in life is important for you. Then the answer of the question – How to find the right person for me? – becomes obvious. This is the way to get out of this vicious circle of unsuccessful bad relationships, leading to nowhere. You are not a perfect fit for everyone and not everyone is a perfect fit for you. And this is ok. It is not needed to pretend like someone you are not, in order to prove you can have a successful relationship with a certain type of personality.
You can’t have the approval of everyone on this earth and as soon you accept this, as better. Then you will be able to find your own path and the person, that would fit you best. This is the way, worth walking!